God has been teaching me that I lack severely and need Him desperately. It sounds very difficult to come to a conclusion like this; that I am not enough, and that I need God for every aspect of my life, but I am learning that this is one of the most freeing conclusions I can arrive at. I find myself preoccupied with many things here on campus from school work, different ministries, various music ensembles, grad school etc. and in lieu of that the temptation there is for me to think that I have it all under control … that I am capable of controlling all these aspects of my life. The honest truth is that I fail, time and time again. I try to rely on my strength to keep up with everything in my life and I find I am woefully inadequate. Jonah 2:8 has been a life verse of sorts for me at this season of my life, “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”

I’ve discovered that attempting to live this life on my own strength is actually keeping me from experiencing the grace of God in my day to day life. I read that verse and it was as if God was peering directly into my life and speaking to me. When I finally realize that I need God because I am inadequate, I am brought to my knees in awe of how much God truly cherishes me. He holds me in my weakness, in my lack, and encourages me on. He brings me to a place where I realize that I cannot do it all (and I fail horribly when I try) in order to show me his incredible ability to do all. I won’t sit here and tell you that I’ve figured it out, that I have finally realized how much I must rely on God’s unshaking guidance and support. No, I haven’t … I’m still learning, and that’s the point. God constantly draws us to consider areas of our life where we refuse to relinquish control, we realize our inability in that area, then slowly allow God to take charge there … then God reveals to us another area of our life needing letting go. It is definitely a process, but I am glad God is doing this work in me.