I have attended a few chapels in my years here at Cairn, including a few “men’s only” chapels. As a freshman, this separation seemed like a good idea, but by my Sophomore year, men’s chapel was an automatic skip. Apparently, I’m not the only one. I interviewed some students asking them, “Do you like or dislike men’s/women’s chapel?” Almost all of the students I interviewed responded with a strong “dislike.” When asked why, they responded with, “Because it sucks.” “We don’t get good speakers.” “Because there’s more to being a woman than sex, modesty and my place at work…” One super senior told me, “In all my years here at Cairn, I can only recall one good men’s chapel. That was when Dr. Williams spoke… and he didn’t talk about sex!”  Only one student I interviewed had a positive view of separate chapels.

This is disappointing. In my own life, the mentorship I have received from fellow men has shaped and guided my life in great ways. If I asked, “Where should I go to school?” my mentor had advice. If I asked “Should I date this girl?” older and wiser men pointed the way. “Why is there an ‘unforgivable sin’? Ha
ve I committed it?”  I specifically remember asking this last question, and I still talk with and respect the male youth pastor who helped me answer it.

I also look back on my life and see the men that I have mentored and the friendships that have grown. These men and I have laughed, cried, philosophized and adventured together through the ups and downs of life. The times we have shared have been a great joy to me and I would not trade those friendships for anything. On the other hand, I cannot count the number of female friends I have had who have come and gone since my senior high days. However, I can count the number I regularly keep in touch with: zero. So why is it that my greatest mentors and my closest friends are my fellow men, but men’s chapel is a automatic skip?

Maybe it’s because there is more to mentorship and friendship than the topics we cover in separate chapels. Maybe there is more to being a woman than sex, modesty and position in the work place. Maybe my masculinity is more than sex and leadership.  Or is this all we can talk about? I cannot answer for the community, but I want to see men and women chapels become a time of mentorship. I want to see men and women chapels of the same quality as open house chapels. Can we make that happen?

If we are going to make it happen, we need both sides of the chapel to invest. We need speakers who are ready and willing to mentor. Speakers who will treat men and women chapels like they would treat open house chapels. Speakers who are willing to leave behind the “back pocket sermons” and dive into the depths of what makes men and women different.  But we also need students who are willing to learn: students who see the value of separating in order to explore what sets them apart from the other sex. Right now, for many students, separate chapel is a dedicated skip. But I believe it can be more.