For those who date:

Come my love, let us frolic in the dull carpeted wasteland of Heritage Hall!  Unbind our songs of love, like golden webs from the sun itself across these humble couches and shimmer for all to see as a lighthouse of hope on the shores of loneliness. Let us treat those who shall gander upon us to the wonders of our love.   Kiss me, kiss me as if rest of the world had no eyes!

Be still my soul, many have observed our love, but they love us not.  We must fly, fly free with me little turtle dove, winging over the moon, over the stars.  Our sweet ballads shall caress the gates of paradise with the same soft touches that I lay on your smooth chin.  We are the phoenix, rising anew at every new hour to speak of our deepest darkest secrets and lay them underneath the brightest sun.  Clear as crystal, clear as diamonds, let us never part so we may always speak of us, so that our longings can never be felt, save in the dead of night or over all the breaks.

We may not see eye to eye on the morality of making penguin sandwiches and our families spent centuries as bitter rivals to the throne of some obscure central European nation, but we have love!  And love, love will keep us together. No, I’m sure I haven’t stolen that line from a captain…. Or a Teneel…. For it is the night birds that sleep in the chambers of my heart cooing out your name.       

For those who don’t:

Look at them.  Look at them.  Disgusting.  So, disgusting.  Don’t they realize that other people are trying to live here too? Ugh, public human affection is the bane of my existence.  NAY! All civilized existence. Why is there no justice in the world? Look at them! On my couch, outside my window, on my steps, in my hallways, on my lawn, in my perfect, sparkly universe!

Put your hat on straight and stop kissing in a 70-yard radius of my personhood!  If I ever dated anyone, we wouldn’t be like that. Never. We would only kiss in perfect privacy like proper ladies and gentlemen.  Oh yes Mr. Darcy, oh yes I will step into the drawing room for a brief word about your favorite Shakespearean sonnets. Oh Mr. Darcy, how fresh of you to kiss my hand in such a courting manner.  

Look at them over there!  They’re lips are touching!  Don’t that know that’s how the plague started going around?  I don’t know, I read it in a magazine.

Let’s be real here:

Romantic love is one of God’s greatest gifts.  The human quest of seeking a lifelong partner fulfills a constant, timeless desire that weaves its way through the collective heart of humanity since the beginning of time.  Adam and Eve were given to one another specifically by God for companionship and union. I have been on both sides of the mirror and, though I’m sure I have annoyed people on both sides many times: here’s your author’s humble ideas.

For people dating:  Congratulations! You’ve discovered mutual affection with a fellow human!  Huzzah! May your grandchildren’s grandchildren beautify the earth and all such honors.  Love is precious and must be respected. On Cairn’s campus, privacy is scant to say the least.  It makes sense that a couple would want to express their affection physically and emotionally. How on earth anyone treats this as a surprise or a some sort of slight against single people is, frankly mind-boggling; however, precautions must be taken.  Affection before marriage walks a fine line which I will not explore here, but it is easy to cross that line. Also, there are times and places to give and receive affection, usually that place is not in the middle of the crowd, or in a lunch line, or in front of delivery truck, or in the  middle of a lecture. Show affection, but be classy about it. Think of when you were single and wishing to be in a relationship. Yeah. Then after you’re married go nuts kids, none of my business at that point.

For single people: Howdy there!  You are strong individualist, a career-focused individual, still looking for the right person, or maybe just smell funny.  May you find the right person soon and live a long and happy life or walk the path of Paul and find the gift of singleness.  I spent a long time amongst you and you need never feel shame in our Ring-by-Spring dominated campus, and sometimes church, culture.  God does not work by our time. When you encounter an over-affectionate couple, do not roll your eyes and scoff behind their backs. This is not Christian behavior.  Many couples feel very awkward if someone catches a kiss around a corner or a long hug. These are hardly shocking displays of affection and they affect your life little, but mean much to the people giving and receiving them.  When these affections begin to impact community or personal well-being however, you have the right, no, duty to state your complaint in a loving manner as is expected of Christian fellowship. Love is exciting and wonderful, be understanding and, if possible, find comfort and hope in other people’s joy in the new and beautiful sensations that move in their hearts when they find someone to love.

For all: Be understanding; be kind; keep the faith; and for Pete’s sake stop complaining about each other.