‘Twas the night before finals, when all through the grounds

Not a student was happy, not even on rounds;

The books were studied by the students with care,

In hopes that 100’s soon would be there;

Some students were nestled all snug in their beds;

While nightmares of final tests swirled in their heads;

And others in the library without a peep

Had just readied their brains for a night without sleep,

When out by the MAC there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my dorm to see what was the matter.

Away through the great room I flew like a flash,

Dodged all the couples and tried not to crash.

Goose poop on the lawn instead of new-fallen snow

Gave extra grossness to the seasonal low,

When what to my sleep-deprived eyes did appear,

But a 10th-hour breakfast filled with laughter and cheer,

Like a light in the dark so quick this man went,

I knew he must be Cairn’s president.

More rapid than eagles his students they flew,

And they laughed, and shouted, and called each other with energy anew:

“To the top of the MAC! to the top of the wall!

Now eat away! eat away! eat away all!”

As freshmen during Augustivus run,

When they meet with stress, turn it into fun;

So up to the cafeteria the students they flew

With their heads crammed with knowledge, and sleepiness too—

And then, in a moment, I realized with fear

That I was forgetting something quite unclear.

It was covered in words, from bottom to top,

And those sentences seemed to never stop;

A bundle of ideas it carried in its pages,

And it looked like a fiend from the Dark Ages.

Its chapters—how they dragged! its words, how huge!

Its content so abysmal, it reminded me of Scrooge!

Its droll little sentences were tied up a bow,

And the few spaces between words as white as the snow;

My few remaining brain cells were held in its hands,

My forgotten work, it ruined my 10th-hour breakfast plans;

And laying my head down on top of my book,

And starting to nod, off to my dreams I took;

I snoozed in my chair, and began to snore,

And soon my unstudied work bothered me no more.

But I muttered under my breath, as midnight the clock struck—

“Happy finals to all, and to all lots of luck!