There has been a somewhat epidemic raging our campus. It is not something you can catch in the air, but it almost seems that you can. I, like so many others, have a concussion.

Even as I am writing this article now, I am having a difficult time as my eyes are straining to take in the glow of my computer screen. I have found myself unable to do anything that I would classify as “lydia things.” I am an English major, a softball player, a bookworm, and yet still a major extrovert. All of these things make up so much of what I do each day that these past few weeks have been painful as I have had to do life without them. Instead of reading or writing papers, I have been listening to an audiobook. I have been staying at home doing idle chores instead of going to softball practice. Instead of staying on campus as long as I possibly can to be with people, I have found myself going home instead so I can sleep and give my brain rest in the dark of my bedroom. It seems as if my concussion has forced me to be everything that I am not.

But that’s not exactly true.

Having this concussion (can one say a thorn in the flesh?) has forced me to really redefine who I am and where my value lies. When everything that I enjoy is out of my reach, I am somehow still me. And why may that be? Because my identity is ultimately in Christ, not in my own abilities.

And that is FOR SURE not an easy lesson to learn.

My concussion has forced me to realize how much of my identity was tied up in the things that I do rather than who God says I am.  The life that I have so desperately attempted to make for myself to prove that I am worth something still leaves more to be desired. I could always be better at softball, someone is always a better writer than me, and I could always be more liked by more people. But while I am consumed in this task of making myself into something that I want to be, God is just waiting for me to stop running my mouth so He can say:

The friend that dumped you does not define your value

The new friends that you have made since then do not define your value.

Softball does not define you.

Reading does not define you.

Writing does not define you.

I define you.

Because whether you think that you are more desirable or more fun because of these things

They don’t hold a candle in light of Eternity

And the plans I have for you.

And the fact that you are valuable,

Simply because you are Mine.

This semester has taught me so much about myself and who I am. It has blatantly revealed my fear of man and has pushed me to pursue a fear of God that is far greater than my desire to please people or to be loved by everyone, including myself. Because when we are overwhelmed with our love and fear of the Lord, there is no room for any other fear. If I set my life up to please God rather than man, I will end up pleasing the right men anyway without a concern about what others may think.

And while softball, reading, writing, and friend-making all are a part of who I am, my value is not found in any of these things. Instead, my value is in the Lord, and that demands a reverence for Him that leaves room for nothing else.